It Was So Awsome When...

After driving for 2hrs in the car with my dog, he waited until we pulled onto my street, got the major dry heaves and then blew chunks in the rental car on the CLOTH seat! (I guess, however, that its better that he barfed on a rental car instead of of my very own). It was like he was practicing a reenactment of that Lionsgate film where that smoky looking meat chunk comes out of that little boys mouth in that scary movie add...He did a REALLY good impression...
So then, once I got that cleaned up, we came inside and I was putting down all the grocery bags and laundry bags and I smell this smell like....I cant even explain it. So I turn around and Mazzy has sprayed diarrhea all over the floor...its the consistency of gravy. Ummmmmmmm. So guess who got to clean it up! But first I had to take a wet wipe to his ass to make sure if he jumped on the couch, he wouldn't leave ass skids all over it. It was so hot!

It Would Really Suck...

...if you were in a band and your goddamn wife came and stood in the front row swaying and singing your songs. I mean, FUCK! If it was a hot, random chick doing that, it would be RAD, but your wife? UGH. Get to the back of the crowd.

I saw this happen once and all I could think was how bad I felt for the lead singer.

Quote of the Day!

"No one gets in the way of me and my SPRAY TAN!"-

My boss- said in all sincerity, while trying to make it to her tannnig appt in Beverly Hills from LAX during rush hour, driving like a madman, talking on the phone and emailing. I was in the passenger seat so now I have grey hair...

Shit I Can't WAIT For!!

I cannot fucking wait for "Daisy Of Love" premiering on April 26th on VH1!!! It's going to be the ultimate shit show. I just took a look at the cast...eh...they are okayyyyyy...

Here are my thoughts on some of the duds:

12-Pack

Dude, haven't we seen you before? Like a THOUSAND times? I think this leftover douche water needs to move on from reality. BOOOOOORINGGGGGG!
FOX

Jesus! Too many TEETH!

WEASEL

Um, is this really a contestant? He looks like a crew grip. Maybe he was the only grip available for a photo stand in. This is a mistake. SINISTER

"Let's share our love and STDs"

GROSS

BROOKLYN

This asshole obviously couldn't get a REAL acting job so he took this shit, hoping for his big break.

Can I Just Say Something?

My boyfriend has been throwing a Goddamn, Mutherfucking hissy fit about me taking my dog in the car because he sheds a little...Okay OKAY I fucking GOT IT!

Then this asshole goes and leaves the car OPEN in our garage and it gets mutherfucking ROBBED! Oh, I just lost my $400 digital cameral, but yes IM SO SORRY about the DOG HAIR which can be VACUUMED!

I'm just SAYING!!

Thanks, I had to vent. And no, I DONT care if he sees this!

Hahahahahah!

This Is Why I Know God Is Watching Out For Me...

I was randomly reading this article in STAR Magazine today via the web...it was even an old ass article...but I was bored so whatever. It was about how all these Hollywood Starlets are having this wild, debaucherous, after hours DRUG PARTIES. The shit sounded exciting to me!!! I was like "how can I get invited to this party?", "Why can't any of my friends be famous whores who party it up?". I don't want to worry my mother, who occasionally reads this blog, but don't wild parties just sound like fun? Dude, my mom would totally come with me and pass around a cough syrup bottle with Lil' Wayne if he was at this party so I've got her number.

Anyways, my point is that I am not one of these socialista types...I don't ever really want to go out, I don't really want to set drinks with assistants and execs at other companies...I just want to go home and smell my dog's paws...no, for reals. I'm insane...but I get this from my mother. One day she told me that her pug Paris' paws smelled like corn chips. I sniffed his paws and they did! So when I got my own dog I tried it. Yep, corn chips. So anyways, I just like to watch TV with my dog and occasionally smell his paws.

Now, if God had created me to be this Party Slut I would probably have made my way up into the Hollywood Hills for these Drug parties and be a strung out whore. Instead I am at home, on my couch, watching such quality programs like "The Bad Girls Club" with my shades drawn in case one of my neighbors sees me sniffing paws and thinks I'm like, molesting my dog or something.

By the way...How hot are those stock photo images???