Saturday, January 24, 2009
Quote of the Day!
"Why might I want to go out with other dudes??? Mmmmmmm...because he's a DICK?!
One of my friends, complaining about her relationship.
Such true words!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
MySpace "Model" of the Day!
This is a category that I used to have on my other blog...but it started taking me too long to find the PERFECT subject each day to "study". I've realized just how much joy that search gave me when I started longing for the days of working for my old boss where I had hours each day to devote to my search. I don't have that much freedom anymore, but I promise to bring you the best of the sluts that MySpace has to offer, here on my new blog!
The first title's honor goes to "SNOW ANGEL"!
(aka, "Lurch").
Album Title: "For Mature Eyes Only!"
"They did the Mash!..."
Those Barbizon Classes DID NOT Go To Waste!
Such a Striking Resemblance! If you'd like to witness more of this hot piece visit her myspace!
Como Se Dice...retardo?
This is not a joke. This is really, truly how retarded I am...
I was making a list of office supplies I need. I'm thinking and thinking REALLY hard about what I should get and trying to remember what was on my LAST list that got lost...
Somewhere along the way, Rubber Bands became...Rubber Pants??????
aAhahahahahahahahahaha!
For a minute I SERIOUSLY thought someone was playing a, fairly, funny joke on me. Nope. That's just me and my specialness. Right on!
Megan: See! I was totally thinking about your damn white binders!!
Megan: See! I was totally thinking about your damn white binders!!
Shower To Shower!
Um, so I just went pee (it sounded weird to say "used the restroom" or "was in the restroom") and when I closed the stall door behind me I saw all this white, powdery shit all in front of the toilet.The first thought that flashed was that one of the hot lawyer women in this building has a coke problem and is so rich that she doesn't give a shit when she drops a G on the bathroom floor. But then i realized that it was prolly from some lady with "the stink" trying to powder her cooter. Sick!
Let's do some "chemistry". If you have a wet, stinky china that you feel you need to "freshen up" with some powder...don't you think that the powder will just make a paste? SICK! Now, you've got china paste all in your panties. Omg. I just made myself ill.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Burke Williams? Can I please have a word with you?
Yeah. Hi, Burke Williams Spa? Hi. My name is Robyn. I got a really nice gift certificate to your salon for Christmas. I had heard so much about you that I was very excited to set up my appointments and redeem my gift cert. So I went in there on Saturday night. Um. Okay, first of all, if I'M the idiot who didn't know that Sat nights are known for being LESBIAN night, then I kind of forgive you for me being caught up in that shit. It was super uncomfortable for me. Mostly I hid out in the dry sauna room since it seems to me that the LESBIANS hung out in the Eucalyptus Steam Room because you cant see SHIT!!!! It was dark and "mysterious" in that room. NOT interested. Nope. Not for me, thanks.
Anyways. Some of my main concerns were as follows:
Why do your towels and robes feel as though they were made out of newly bought sand paper? and not even FINE sand paper. The ROUGH, larger grade shit! I mean, you put your own name on the towels! Why? I would be ashamed to have my name on that shit. It practically hurt to put my robe on! Jesus!
Okay, I know I am a bit of a freak but I couldn't even enjoy the hot tubs. Once I saw the older LESBIANS with the huge hairy bushes (BW is "European style" and therefore, clothing is optional) get in, I was OVER it. I won't go in a hot tub anywhere or under any circumstances, but I just felt the big ass hairy bushes added to my disappointment in you. I don't need to see grey (or other) pubes just floatin' around in the tub. Eeeeeeesh!!!!
The final straw was when I saw this black chick just walking around with her fucking WEAVE in her hands!!!!!!! Well, I guess it's not a "weave" if it's a straight up WIG! Still, it was sooooo weird to see this bitch just walking around like it was nothing that she had a wig on!
I hate to sound ungrateful for my Christmas gift. I'm totally not! I was looking forward to my time at BW. But their standards are just too lax! No more, BW. No more! That shit was SICK!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! UPDATE TO THIS POST:
A friend of mine read this shit and then told me that at the BW I went to, if you wear your locker key on your wrist (or was it ankle?) it means you want a "happy ending" and I guess they will give it to you! I was like "That's just for dudes, right? Cause it could take a chick like a half an hour!" and she said its for BOTH! Holy shit. I'm glad I put that damn key in my Sand Paper Robe!!! Eeeeesh! I nearly escaped being raped by a broom at this place. For reals.
Anyways. Some of my main concerns were as follows:
Why do your towels and robes feel as though they were made out of newly bought sand paper? and not even FINE sand paper. The ROUGH, larger grade shit! I mean, you put your own name on the towels! Why? I would be ashamed to have my name on that shit. It practically hurt to put my robe on! Jesus!
Okay, I know I am a bit of a freak but I couldn't even enjoy the hot tubs. Once I saw the older LESBIANS with the huge hairy bushes (BW is "European style" and therefore, clothing is optional) get in, I was OVER it. I won't go in a hot tub anywhere or under any circumstances, but I just felt the big ass hairy bushes added to my disappointment in you. I don't need to see grey (or other) pubes just floatin' around in the tub. Eeeeeeesh!!!!
The final straw was when I saw this black chick just walking around with her fucking WEAVE in her hands!!!!!!! Well, I guess it's not a "weave" if it's a straight up WIG! Still, it was sooooo weird to see this bitch just walking around like it was nothing that she had a wig on!
I hate to sound ungrateful for my Christmas gift. I'm totally not! I was looking forward to my time at BW. But their standards are just too lax! No more, BW. No more! That shit was SICK!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! UPDATE TO THIS POST:
A friend of mine read this shit and then told me that at the BW I went to, if you wear your locker key on your wrist (or was it ankle?) it means you want a "happy ending" and I guess they will give it to you! I was like "That's just for dudes, right? Cause it could take a chick like a half an hour!" and she said its for BOTH! Holy shit. I'm glad I put that damn key in my Sand Paper Robe!!! Eeeeesh! I nearly escaped being raped by a broom at this place. For reals.
Britney, I fucking Love you.
I've been hearing all this hoopla about Britney's song, "If You Seek Amy" which, at this point, we all know translates to "F.U.C.K. Me". I'm going to step outside my usually conservative "oh Britney, you are an example to the CHILDRENS of this world" and say, "Ha. Ha!". The shit is funny and very very subversive and that's exactly what I like about it. It shows she's got a sense of humor. Parents need to chill. Their kids wouldn't even know what it meant if they didn't go making a big stink about it.
Go, Britney. You dirty bitch!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Principal's Office on TruTV
What the Hell is this??? How did I not know about this show? I LOOOOVVVE it! (not as much as "Momma's Boys" which I am currently watching, like the loser I am).
The "Excuse Promo" is so hot!!! AAhahahahaha!!
The "Excuse Promo" is so hot!!! AAhahahahaha!!
"I can't get my education without sweatpants on."
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Cool Shit!
FRED FLARE GOLD RETAINER NECKLACE
$300.00
http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=4142&cat=343#
So Fucking Rude!
So I'm kinda late on posting this but Mercury has been in retrograde this week (right, Ej? Is that how you say the shit?) and so my life has been a psycho mess.
I saw this clip of Megan Fox and was appalled. What the fuck? Its the most insecure, fishing for a compliment, rude ass shit I have ever heard! Okay, it is pretty much agreed that Megan Fox is one hot bitch. Like, beautiful coloring, skin, eyes, body, hair and gorgeous face. So when she compares herself to Alan Alda and says she is man-ish, what the fuck does that say about anyone who is not nearly as attractive as her (this would be 95% of the female population)? Its fucking rude as shit! How dare she! Honestly. If I was this bitch's publicist I would have ripped her a new asshole. Then when she talks about her lame ass, has been boyfriend it just makes me sad for her. What a fucking dick. She needs to get some confidence, then some manners and dump her loser boyfriend. She is still not excused for being so rude though.
I saw this clip of Megan Fox and was appalled. What the fuck? Its the most insecure, fishing for a compliment, rude ass shit I have ever heard! Okay, it is pretty much agreed that Megan Fox is one hot bitch. Like, beautiful coloring, skin, eyes, body, hair and gorgeous face. So when she compares herself to Alan Alda and says she is man-ish, what the fuck does that say about anyone who is not nearly as attractive as her (this would be 95% of the female population)? Its fucking rude as shit! How dare she! Honestly. If I was this bitch's publicist I would have ripped her a new asshole. Then when she talks about her lame ass, has been boyfriend it just makes me sad for her. What a fucking dick. She needs to get some confidence, then some manners and dump her loser boyfriend. She is still not excused for being so rude though.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Just Stupid
This is just embarrassing. Lady Gaga does not look hip or modern or anything other than stupid. It seriously just looks like she forgot to wear pants. Who the fuck is her stylist? And, not to be cruel, but if you don't have the legs to pull this shit off, then just leave it alone. A crazy spiked nude heel would have made it at least look intentional. This? This is an Epic Fashion Fail.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Blogina Resolutions!
I'm not a huge fan of New Years Resolutions...I feel set up for failure. And yes, I know that with that attitude I'm not going to get anywhere. But, shit, I'm going to try my best!
So here are my resolutions:
1) Practice "Portion Control", you fucking Fat Ass!
2) Move. Even just a little.
3) Change the 'tude! Let's get a little more positivity going. (Is that a real word?)
4) Become a little more of a cunt. (My boss is always saying "I'm going to turn you into an animal, if it's the LAST thing I do!!" I could at least help her with this transformation by learning to say "No", you know?)
5) Bring back a little bit of that "Anti Establishment" girl I was in high school. She was kinda cool.
6) Make more time for the stuff i love like CRAFTS!
7) Money Money Money. Save it, save it, save it. And pay my damn bills on time.
So here are my resolutions:
1) Practice "Portion Control", you fucking Fat Ass!
2) Move. Even just a little.
3) Change the 'tude! Let's get a little more positivity going. (Is that a real word?)
4) Become a little more of a cunt. (My boss is always saying "I'm going to turn you into an animal, if it's the LAST thing I do!!" I could at least help her with this transformation by learning to say "No", you know?)
5) Bring back a little bit of that "Anti Establishment" girl I was in high school. She was kinda cool.
6) Make more time for the stuff i love like CRAFTS!
7) Money Money Money. Save it, save it, save it. And pay my damn bills on time.
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